The Little Triggers

A few weeks ago marked one year since my dad passed away.  To be honest, the actual anniversary was not too bad.  My sisters, mom and I talked about the anxiety leading up that day and how that was almost harder than the anniversary itself.  We got a lot of our tears out privately in the days leading up to May 6th, and spent the day together laughing and making stepping stones to honor my dad.

The day after the anniversary, I was driving home from work.  Sometimes I take a couple back alley short cuts and decided to take them that day.  As I was driving down one of the alleys, there was a couple waiting to be buzzed into a side entrance of a building.  I couldn't get around them, but didn't think much of it; I figured I would just wait until they got in.  As I watched the couple, the woman apologetically waved, I waved back and mouth "no problem."

I noticed she had her arm around the man's waist and his arm was slung over her shoulder.  I looked a little closer and realized that she was holding him up and he was swaying and almost fell backwards onto the concrete.  My gut reaction was to put my car in park, unbuckle, and open my door to jump out and help them.  Just as I did, someone opened the door of the building and helped the couple in.  I got myself settled, pulled away and continued my drive home.

This may seem like a minor event to someone.  Anyone else could have thought that man was drunk or passing out.  I recognized the way he swayed and the way his knees buckled because the same thing used to happen to my dad.  My mom would have her arm around his waist and hold him up by his jeans the same way this woman held her companion.  My dad would lean on my mom for support because he lost his balance very easily and walking eventually became impossible.

This one minute interaction with this couple shook me.  It took me right back to the bad times of watching my dad get weaker and I started crying as I drove away.  I called my sister and told her I didn't understand that I could be fine on the first anniversary of his death and get so upset the next day.  I told her that a lot of my tears were for this couple because I could relate to what they were going through.

My mom told me the quote up top, and it is so true.  My heart broke in a lot of places when my dad was sick.  Over time, it has gotten much stronger, but there will always be things that will trigger sadness and bring back unhappy memories.  On the flip side, there are many more things that bring good memories to the surface.  Learning to live with both is just part of the healing process.

One thing that came out of this test in life, is the ability to empathize with people.  I am thankful that throughout this process I have learned never to judge someone because you really have no idea what they're going through.  Never judge someone who is about to fall over, someone in a wheelchair, or someone having a hard time speaking or remembering things.  Always recognize the possibility that their life could be going though a tough time you may not know about.  Listen to people and be there for your friends.  All kinds of events can trigger different feelings for others; I believe that accepting and acknowledging them will help to grow stronger as a person.