How Many Kids Do You Want?

Maaaybe six months after we got married, people started asking about babies.

So, what's next?  When are you having kids?  How many do you want?  Do you have names picked out?  

I've always known I wanted to be a mom, or at least that I didn't not want to be a mom.  Does that make sense?  To be honest, I've never really known how many kids I want, because who knows how I will be with just one baby.  I guess it's about preparing for the unexpected but the thought of being physically and financially responsible for a baby is a scary thing.  Maybe these are irrational fears or fear of the unknown, but it's something that crosses my mind.

How do you know what you want until you have it?  There are things that you may not know you want in your life until they're already there and vice versa.

But what about the opposite?  What about the things you think you want and then realize you definitely don't.

The thing with kids is, you can't change your mind like you could with a pet.  A pet you can give away to your neighbor, a child is yours forever.  I'm not saying this is a bad thing at all, I'm just saying how are you really sure that you want one child, two kids, or a whole dodge-ball team?  Do you ever really know the answer or do you just go with the flow?

I started to make a list of all the reasons I'm not ready to be a mom yet, and it really boils down to one thing - I'm selfish.  At this point in my life, I'm selfish about sleeping in on Saturdays, planning trips for just Scott and I, spending my money on things I just want, going out to dinner every weekend, advancing my career and, honestly, deciding what I want to make of my career.  Until I'm ready to give up my freedom and devote my time to one, two, or however many kids we end up with, I'm spending my time spoiling myself and my husband.

This is the point in our lives between being a child and having a child, I plan to enjoy it.

A bit of a brain dump today.  Any thoughts?

That's all for this snowy day, Happy Monday :)